A couple of days ago, I went shopping for a new Bible cover. (I spilled chicken grease on my old Bible cover. Don't ask.) I discovered that nobody who buys Bible covers has a sense of style. I mean, they all had umpteen pockets, big pewter zippers (of either a cross or a fish -- how original!) and eye-agonizing designs on them. Some had slogans like "Y2K Survival Kit" screenprinted on them (these were in the bargin bin). One had -- I am not making this up -- a plastic ruler as a bookmark with a big gold tassel hanging down. It was marked in both inches and centimeters. Several had fold-away purse handles on them. (Look! It's a Bible! Now it's a purse!) One imagines the confusion in the checkout line when a hurried housewife discovers she has grabbed the wrong purse on the way to the store. Or the even greater confusion of the purse-snatcher that hits her on the way out of the store.

I finally settled on a solid black cover with one zippered pocket. (No pewter.) After I got it out to the car, I used my Gerber E-Z Out to perform emergency surgery and remove the eyesore of a "personal ID tag" affixed to the front. It left a series of holes where the stitching was, but it was a considerable improvement.