Today we had the inauguration for our new college president. An hour before we were supposed to line up for the processional, I got out my robe, hood, and mortarboard to get everything figured out. I didn’t attend my graduation ceremony for my Masters degree (after the thesis was completed, I was too wiped out to care), so this was the first time to try on this type of regalia.

I put the robe on and realized something was very, very wrong. My sleeves were about a foot and a half too long and were sewn together at the ends. Oh, no! I thought. I am in serious trouble! I briefly had wild thoughts of hacking off the ends with my pocket knife, then I calmed down enough to do a thorough examination of the robe. About two feet up from the ends, I found the holes for my hands.

This was my introduction to “tippet sleeves.”

Tippet sleeves are like regular sleeves, only they have a long, pouch-like extension hanging down under the wrist. When I hold my arms out, they look like wings. They’re really quite cool, actually. I’m sure if I ever went trick-or-treating in this regalia, I could use it to hold all my candy. And if anyone ever tried to take the candy from me, I could just gather up the pouch and swing it like a sap to whack someone upside the head.

This was my first time wearing a hood, as well. My first thought, of course, was, “Why don’t we wear the hood over the head? It is a hood, after all." So I took off the mortarboard and threw my hood over my head. It actually looked pretty cool. Except that there’s this funny thing that looks like a tippet sleeve coming out from the back of the head. Still, though, it looks a lot more impressive than the mortarboard. I mean, really, what were those guys at the University thinking a thousand years ago? “Hey, mortar is cool. We like stonework. Let’s wear mortarboards on our heads!”

At any rate, the hood is pretty cool. I’m wearing it now. When I get up and spread my arms out, I look like a freakin’ warlock. Or Andre the Giant as the Dread Pirate Roberts. “You shall not escape!”

The other professors could wear the robe while they taught today. I didn’t have any classes today, so I didn’t get to. Even though the robe is rented, the college rented them for us for the rest of the semester, so we can wear it at December graduation. I think I’ll wear it to teach in a few times. Then, I can look down on my colleagues, and sneer at the mere jacket-and-tie they wear. I wear the full, tradional academic regalia. Obviously, I must be holier than they are.

The inauguration was long and a lot of people spoke. The best one was the president of the student government association, a senior. He didn’t make any dumb jokes, he was poised, he was warm and personal and made some good points, and then he sat down. I wish the older speakers would have taken their cue from him.

After the inauguration was the reception. I ate breakfast late, so I hadn’t had lunch by the time the inauguration started. About halfway through, all I could think about was how hungry I was. Fortunately, there was a pretty good spread of food at the reception afterwards, so I wolfed a lot of stuff down while I talked to my students.