All right. So: The reality is that I have no idea how to eat crab legs.
On impulse, I decide to eat at the local Chinese buffet last night. I don't normally eat there on Fridays, because they have crab legs on the all-you-can-eat buffet and charge $3 more for them. I'm already paying a good chunk for the buffet, and there's so much great stuff on there already, I just don't see how I can eat enough crab legs to justify the expense.
Last night, though, I really, really wanted Chinese food. And I realized I'd never had crab legs before. So I said to myself, "Self, live a little! Try the crab legs. It'll be an experience!" So, when my self starts talking to me in that tone of voice, I sit up and take notice.
Well, there's a basket of some strange eating utensils next to the crab legs. I've never seen them before, and I've eaten here often, so I assume they're for the crab legs. I pick one up. It looks kind of like a nutcracker. I take it and turn to the crab legs. They're in a big tub of water, so I grab a few legs and drop them on my plate next to the Sesame Chicken, then head off to my table for my latest culinary adventure.
I pick up the nutcracker and prepare to commence to cracking when I discover the first rule of crab legs: the smaller the crab leg, the harder it is to crack. No, really! In fact, one of the crab legs was so small, the nutcracker shut completely around the leg without denting the shell.
I examine the crabcracker closely, and notice that there're a couple of bumps, one on either side, dividing the "large" part of the cracker from the "small" part of the cracker. "Aha!" I think. "I'll use these bumps to crack open the shell!" I start applying leverage, only to realize three important points: One, the bumps are rounded and (probably) not meant to be used as I am using them, so they keep slipping off the wet crabshell. Two, the crab leg is slippery when wet, and these were just taken out of a tub of water. Three, wet crab juice is running down my arm and getting my sleeve wet.
I finally succeeded in breaking open a larger leg. Ah, tasty, succulent morsel! So, what now? Do I use my fork? My fingers? All right, so this isn't a five-star restaurant; I'm gonna use my fingers. As I start rooting around inside the cracked crabshell, I reflect that this could solve my worst problem with Chinese buffets -- wasting enough time that I get hungry again and can go back for thirds and fourths. I mean, it looks bad just to sit there reading a book for a couple of hours. The waitress starts hovering around, asking pointedly if I need anything, and then the manager comes out to have a "friendly chat" with me. But if I'm fiddling around with a crabshell, it looks like I'm just enjoying my dinner! And as fast as I'm going, it looks like it will be a couple of hours before I get to my crabmeat.
Eventually I get a bite about as big as my thumb. It's okay, I guess. It's definitely tender, and has that seafood flavor without that overwhelming "fishy" taste. It's just not worth all the effort. And there are plenty of other excellent dishes that don't require nearly as much work.
General Tso, for instance. He doesn't put up much of a fight. (I think he's a little chicken.)
On impulse, I decide to eat at the local Chinese buffet last night. I don't normally eat there on Fridays, because they have crab legs on the all-you-can-eat buffet and charge $3 more for them. I'm already paying a good chunk for the buffet, and there's so much great stuff on there already, I just don't see how I can eat enough crab legs to justify the expense.
Last night, though, I really, really wanted Chinese food. And I realized I'd never had crab legs before. So I said to myself, "Self, live a little! Try the crab legs. It'll be an experience!" So, when my self starts talking to me in that tone of voice, I sit up and take notice.
Well, there's a basket of some strange eating utensils next to the crab legs. I've never seen them before, and I've eaten here often, so I assume they're for the crab legs. I pick one up. It looks kind of like a nutcracker. I take it and turn to the crab legs. They're in a big tub of water, so I grab a few legs and drop them on my plate next to the Sesame Chicken, then head off to my table for my latest culinary adventure.
I pick up the nutcracker and prepare to commence to cracking when I discover the first rule of crab legs: the smaller the crab leg, the harder it is to crack. No, really! In fact, one of the crab legs was so small, the nutcracker shut completely around the leg without denting the shell.
I examine the crabcracker closely, and notice that there're a couple of bumps, one on either side, dividing the "large" part of the cracker from the "small" part of the cracker. "Aha!" I think. "I'll use these bumps to crack open the shell!" I start applying leverage, only to realize three important points: One, the bumps are rounded and (probably) not meant to be used as I am using them, so they keep slipping off the wet crabshell. Two, the crab leg is slippery when wet, and these were just taken out of a tub of water. Three, wet crab juice is running down my arm and getting my sleeve wet.
I finally succeeded in breaking open a larger leg. Ah, tasty, succulent morsel! So, what now? Do I use my fork? My fingers? All right, so this isn't a five-star restaurant; I'm gonna use my fingers. As I start rooting around inside the cracked crabshell, I reflect that this could solve my worst problem with Chinese buffets -- wasting enough time that I get hungry again and can go back for thirds and fourths. I mean, it looks bad just to sit there reading a book for a couple of hours. The waitress starts hovering around, asking pointedly if I need anything, and then the manager comes out to have a "friendly chat" with me. But if I'm fiddling around with a crabshell, it looks like I'm just enjoying my dinner! And as fast as I'm going, it looks like it will be a couple of hours before I get to my crabmeat.
Eventually I get a bite about as big as my thumb. It's okay, I guess. It's definitely tender, and has that seafood flavor without that overwhelming "fishy" taste. It's just not worth all the effort. And there are plenty of other excellent dishes that don't require nearly as much work.
General Tso, for instance. He doesn't put up much of a fight. (I think he's a little chicken.)
posted by Mark at 11/12/2005 09:29:00 PM
1 Comments:
As i started to read this i thought.. where is he going with this? but then I remembered all the times i went with my grandparents to the chinese restaurant by their house, and thought of all the crab legs they had there. I never used those funny fork things. I just used the sharp edge of the table to crack it and peel it open with my fingers. It was tons easier!! But it's all in the amount of effort that you are willing to give for such a small prize!
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